About What I Feel

Seven letters that describe my feeling now is JEALOUS. Finnaly, I know how it feels. But I realize that I have no right to protest what I'm jealous to. I want to tell what it's about. But I think it's not the good way to write it here. Let me keep in my self.

In other case, I feel rather ENVY about something too. I want to be like that. Uh. I hope someday I could be like that.

Hmm, my posting today maybe seems so strange yeah? Biarin ajalah, maybe through this way I will feel relieve. Just neglect all. I just need place to utter my conscience. Haha, this is getting more eccentric I think.

Forget about it, I'm WORRIED too about my try out result. I choose medical faculty of UI in the first choice (which of the passing grade is 53%) and architecture USU in the second (35%). But based on my estimation and calculation, I don't get both of them, I get only 31%. I will be so embrassed if the result will have been published on the announcement board in next few days, the problem is I write my real full name clearly. I wish my estimation is not appropriate with the real result. I wish I did wrong calculation.

By the way, I'm so CONFUSED about what major I should choose in the university next year. Everybody said that I should've known what I wanna choose. And all my friends have already known about it. It's a hard decision, this is not only about my interest and my talent, it's also about my future. I must choose a potential major that has a big chance in a good employment too, ya know lah.

To be honest, I'm so interest with architecture or civil engineering, or major which is related to developing city whtever it called, mmm town planning architecture or environment & civil t engineering, whatever, i forgot.

I love drawing, and I feel that maybe I have a talent in it. And i have an ambission to make equitable development in all part of my country (jiahh, udah kayak politic campaign aja). Medan must be a beautiful city someday.

because I'm impressed to some big cities in many other countries which are beautiful, with complete and high technology transportation, neat, no traffic jam, no rubbish,garbage and trash,with many inhabitants passing by bicycle, so the polution is not as much as this. I desire city like that. everytime I watch korean drama, western movie, the setting impress me, because my country is not like that. I think it's time for us to have subway, MRT, or etc.

But I must think about the prospect of the employment later on too right? my father said planner like that sometimes less appreciated in our country. he has bad experience about it. excepting we are already at the top. Being like that, only few people can succeed. Whereas, my mother seems "indirectly" forcing me to choose medical faculty. To be honest again, I'm seemingly not too interest in it. But I also don't want to break my mother's big expectation. She wants it so much. Moreover, to come to medical faculty is not easy loh, it's not easy as she thinks. Furthermore I dream to study in a favorite college in Java such as UI. So I'm confused, What should I do?

Even my mother brought me to our relative who is a doctor. She tried to influence me by asking the doctor to advise me. Imagine that! My brother did the same kind, he said that I'm stupid that I don't wanna choose to be a doctor. I know he desired to be a doctor but finnaly he study at civil engineering (which is related to my interest). Only my father who doesn't force me to choose anything, although as a matter of fact he want me to be a doctor too -,-'. Andaikan my sister isn't an autist, maybe she will realize my parents' expectation.

But I don't know if someday I change my mind. There are still time to think. God, please give me guidance.

good night all (if you read this at night)